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2. Understanding Behaviour

2g. Bereavement

‘In 2004, the last time a national survey was done, around 3.5% of 5–16-year-olds had been bereaved of a parent or sibling. That is around 1 in 29 (or roughly one per classroom)’ (Childhood Bereavement Network, n.d.).15

Grief can be an overwhelming experience, bringing strong emotions and changes in behaviour that affect a child’s wellbeing. Research shows bereaved children are around one and a half times more likely to experience mental health difficulties than their peers.16 Some may become withdrawn or anxious, while others may show anger, struggle with concentration or find it hard to connect with peers. Although the pain of loss may not disappear, with understanding and consistent support most children do gradually adjust.

For some, however, the circumstances of the death can make bereavement particularly traumatic. The UK Trauma Council highlights that when a death is experienced as traumatic, children may find it harder to cope and the impact may last longer.17 These children may need more targeted support alongside the understanding and stability provided in school.

For schools, the key role is not to ‘fix’ grief but to provide stability, understanding and space for children to process loss at their own pace. Staff do not need to have all the answers, but small, thoughtful actions can make a real difference.

Some practical ways schools can support bereaved children:

Maintain routines

 

Keeping the usual classroom and school routines in place can provide a sense of stability when everything else may feel uncertain. Small, predictable structures such as morning welcomes, lesson timings and daily rituals help children feel anchored, even when they are grieving

Identify a trusted adult

 

It is important that every bereaved child knows there is someone in school they can turn to if they are struggling. This might be a teacher, a teaching assistant or a pastoral staff member. Agree this openly with the child so they feel confident about who is available to them.

Provide creative outlets

 

Some children may not be ready or able to put their feelings into words. Activities such as drawing, writing, music or storytelling can give them safe and accessible ways to process emotions and communicate what they are going through

Offer flexibility

 

Grieving children can find it difficult to concentrate or stay in class when they are feeling overwhelmed. Allowing them to step out of a lesson, access a quiet space or have a short break can help them regulate their emotions and return to learning when they feel ready.

Check with the child and family about acknowledgement

 

How the loss is recognised at school should always be guided by the child and their family. Some may want a private gesture such as a quiet word or a card from staff, while others may appreciate a more open acknowledgement. Taking their lead shows respect and avoids causing further distress.

Signpost support

 

While school staff play an essential role, some children and families will benefit from additional help. Being able to signpost families to bereavement charities, counselling services or community organisations ensures they can access the right specialist support when needed.

Top tip: developing a bereavement policy
Schools and colleges may wish to consider having an agreed policy for supporting children and young people who are bereaved. Making this policy readily available for all staff means that everyone can access clear guidance on:

  • how to respond to and support bereaved students
  • understanding the process of grief and how it can affect wellbeing
  • looking after staff wellbeing when supporting grieving children and young people

The policy could form part of the wider whole-school or college approach to mental health and may even sit within the setting’s mental health policy. It can also outline how ongoing needs will be assessed, how staff agree to monitor and measure any challenges bereaved students may face and when referral to specialist services might be needed.
 

It is common for staff to feel uncertain about how to respond when a student is bereaved. A clear policy and readily available guidance can help ensure everyone feels confident and consistent in the support they provide.

Useful contact information

The organisations listed here provide bereavement support for children, young people, families and professionals.

Childhood Bereavement Network

Child Bereavement UK

  • Telephone: 0800 02 888 40 (9am-5pm, Monday to Friday)
  • Email: helpline@childbereavementuk.org
  • Live Chat: Available via website (9am-5pm, Monday to Friday)
  • Website: Child Bereavement UK

Winston’s Wish

  • Helpline (Freephone): 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday)
  • Email: ask@winstonswish.org
  • Live Chat: via website (weekday hours)
  • Text support (out of hours): Text WW to 85258
  • General enquiries: 01242 515 157
  • Website: Winston's Wish - Bereavement Support for Children

Candle Project
The Candle Project offers bereavement counselling for children and young people in Orpington, Sydenham, online and by phone.

 15. Childhood Bereavement Network (n.d.) Key statistics. Available at: https://childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk/about/media-centre/evidence/key-statistics
 16. Childhood Bereavement Network (n.d.) Written evidence submitted by the Childhood Bereavement Network (CMH0151). Available at: https://committees.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/76937/pdf/
 17. UK Trauma Council (n.d.) Traumatic bereavement for school communities. Available at: https://uktraumacouncil.org/resources/traumatic-bereavement-for-school-communities